kimyAh

Funny how the tide has turned for me yesterday but i still am oblivious as to "IF I SHOULD GO ON WITH IT OR NOT" coz really, i have no such feeling to be in a relationship again. I mean I was just made a fool a week ago and already i’ll be putting myself in that situation again? No way Jose! It’s just painful and insulting, the incident that happened to me the past 2 weeks. I mean I believed a friend and trusted him, believing that he’ll deliver me out of the hell hole i’ve been in for the past 2… 3 years but I just found myself digging a lil more to the pit i’m in… Oh what the hell, I’ll dig meself out. Nothing’s gonna happen if i’ll wait and rely on soomebody else… But going back to what has happened, I don’t and can’t really say what got into me… Love rush? February rush? But what ever it is, it was so bad… Damn that guy who recommended that guy haha… I mean I was falling for a guy who was a friend of this other guy i dated a long long time ago and he said not to fall for the guy coz he ain’t worth it and he promised to have me meet up with this other guy whom he knows a lot coz he felt sorry for me and he did hurt me a long time ago too, maybe atone for the stuff he did or something and I BELIEVED HIM. Darn it! I mean picture me out, picture kimyAh becoming a throw rug for a guy she doesn’t even really like or picture herself being with just because of the RECOMMENDATION. It’s so funny but I did. I compromised everything. The wall I set up to keep people away was gone, even the infamous standard for men i’l go out with was gone. OMG! (damnit! I did that much???) I mean I did and now that im done with it, i sat down and think bout the consolation (like please don’t make me cry again) for the thing that happened. I mean I was even at a point where I was gonna kneel or something? Im such a loser… But then, looking back, I can really say that I really am no martyr. That there are just some standards i can’t possibly compromise or bend. I mean, it’s become a principle coz i have nothing but just myself and if i let people step on me, it’s so worthless. i mean I didn’t came all the way to where I am now (wait a minute, where am I haha) to just let people do that to me. I aint gonna back down. Though it sucks a lot coz i really might be living alone for the rest of my life but instead of being sorry for my sorry ass and cry and wail and be pathetic and stuff, I decided that I already cried a lot and im not gonna shed a tear again for being alone again but instead I’m gonna take care of me from now on. Like if somebody can’t stick with just only me and put up with me then i’m gonna give them what they want and do for myself that which i want. It sucks but, I’M ALL I HAVE… But the good side of it is, Ive made people cry and beg on their knees before to be with me so I know that I’m the best there is with the loving and caring so why not do it for me. At least I know what they’ll be missing